Fences are your friends

Learn all about the special mitzvah to make a fence...

Pay Your Workers - the Video

Did you know that it is a mitzvah to pay your workers on time? Read more about it here.

Pay Your Workers - It is a Mitzvah

Did you ever ride in a taxi or eat in a restaurant? Did you ever hire someone to mow your lawn or walk your dog? I am sure you have. Most people do. Guess what: you have to pay him when the ride is over or he finishes the job. You have to pay him in full, too. Obvious?

It is also a mitzvah.

Did you know that? It is a mitzvah to pay your workers on time.

Think about it. The cabbie may love his job. The guy who mows the lawn may love pushing the lawn mower around. But love isn’t why people go to work.

People work because they want to get paid. They have to feed their kids, pay bills, pay rent, and buy things. They need the money.

When you don’t pay your workers on time – because you forgot, couldn’t be bothered, or whatever – you are messing up more than just yourself. Your worker can’t take care of his responsibilities or pay his debts. And it is your fault.

And worse – you are putting him in an uncomfortable position. It is weird asking other people for money. It is awkward and uncomfortable. Especially when you have to ask more than once. He needs the money – he doesn’t want to bother you – but he needs to. He gets mad. He is disappointed. And it is worse if he wants to work for you again or you need to hire him again. Weird.

Pay your workers on time. Pay them when they finish the job or at the time that you agreed to in advance. It is the right thing to do. And they will appreciate it.

Tzedakah - The Video

Tzedakah means charity. But it is so much more than that! Check out this previous post to learn more.

Tzedakah: Giving and Giving

Tzedakah means charity. It is a huge mitzvah.

Tzedakah means much more than giving money. It is about helping a person in need – with whatever he needs. If he is hungry, you feed him. If he is cold, you give him a coat. If he isn’t married, you find him a wife. If he is in need, you help.

And it isn’t just what you give, but how you give it. You have to smile. You have to be kind, sensitive, thoughtful, and make him feel good.

Did this ever happen to you? You see a needy person and think, “Oh man, I have to get out of here. He is going to bug me.” Yikes.

But think about it. He is doing you a favor. Tzedakah is a mitzvah. You need him to do the mitzvah. You should really be thinking, “Wow. What an opportunity. I can really help someone.”

And charity begins at home. Don’t step over the homeless people in your neighborhood on your way to save children in Africa. Help out locally. And family comes first. The poor people in your family take precedence over everyone else. Your community is next. If you still have money and time, help the rest of the world.

Tzedakah is contagious. It is a big mitzvah to help others. It is a bigger mitzvah to involve others. Be a leader. Motivate your friends to give tzedakah, too. They will thank you for it.

And they need to do it. Can you think of a bigger mitzvah than that?

Visit the Sick - the video

Bikur Cholim - that means to visit the sick. You can read more about it in this earlier post.

Don't Speak Lashon Hara

This is an amazing video. Aliens, hurricanes, and why you have to watch what you say. Check out this earlier post to learn more.

Onas Devarim - the Video

This is the funniest video ever. It is also about a very important Mitzvah - how to avoid Onas Devarim. Click here to read my earlier post about it.

Judge Other People Favorably

In an earlier post, I wrote about the Mitzvah of giving other people the benefit of the doubt (you can read it here). Watch this two-minute Mitzvah video and share your thoughts in the comments section below.

You should also watch this ancient video clip of Abbot and Costello - good communication is half the battle. Enjoy.

Visit the Sick

Do you hate being sick? I do. Especially when everything hurts. I hate it when my throat hurts, my eyes itch, my nose is stuffed, I can’t breath, and I am cold and hot at the same time.

Yuck.

And the worst thing is being alone, locked up in my room with nothing to do. Boring. My family and friends get on with life, talk on the phone, come in and out of the house, have fun, and I can’t do anything.

Being sick stinks!

Most people are the same. No one likes feeling terrible. No one likes being an outcast. No one likes being sick.

And that is why it is a mitzvah to visit sick people.

When you visit a sick person – he knows you care. He knows you made an effort to see him. He knows he has someone to talk to, or to complain to, or to look at. And that is a big comfort.

Try this: if one of your friends doesn’t come to school – find out what happened. If he was sick, visit. Bring him his homework (he will love you for that!). Talk to him. Tell him about lunch. He will appreciate it. And you will feel great, too. It will make your day.

But wait. There is more.

You can visit anyone. It doesn’t matter if the person is older or younger than you, or even if you don’t know him very well. You can pray for sick people, too. (Praying does many wonderful things, but more importantly, it keeps the sick person in your mind. You will be more likely to think about him, find out about how he is doing, and visit again.) And if you can’t make it in person, call. Even if you don’t get to speak to him – the thought counts, too.

Visit the sick. It is a big mitzvah. It feels great to be visited. And it feels even better to visit.

(I found this great link. It includes all the laws of visiting the sick - very helpful.)

Loshon Hara

What is Loshon Hara?

Take a look.

Pretend that you were at school. Your classes were boring. Your teacher didn’t stop talking. And your friend was playing with a piece of gum stuck under his desk. He was bored, too. And he wasn’t paying attention. He thought the gum was space goo. It fell to earth from the planet Zorkon. He was worried about an alien invasion.

The teacher called on your friend. He didn’t hear her. He was wrestling with a green space creature. It had a thousand eyes and fangs. She called on him again. He fell out of his seat and answered her. But his answer didn’t make sense. It was wrong. It was crazy. And it was really funny.

The teacher laughed. And you died. It was so funny.

After class you teased your friend. But he didn’t like it. He didn’t think it was funny. But you did. You laughed and laughed.

You told your other friends about it on the bus ride home. They thought it was really funny, too. They laughed. It was funny. You called a few friends that night. You told them what happened. You told them all the details. You told them how he fell out of his chair and didn’t know what was going on. They laughed.

You had a great laugh at his expense. But it didn’t matter because he didn’t know. He wasn’t going to find out. And it was funny. Funny is good, right?

Wrong.

That is Loshon Hara. It is when you say something about another person that he doesn’t like – even if it is true – and even if it is funny. Loshon Hara hurts. It isn’t nice.

Loshon Hara hurts three people.

It hurts the person it was said about. Other people think you are a fool, silly, crazy, or dumb. You can’t defend yourself. And you look bad.

It hurts the person who heard it. You have a bad impression that is based on gossip. And your relationship is tainted by something you didn’t need to know.

It hurts the person who said it. You look bad. Your friend will be upset if he finds out. And you can’t take it back. You can’t fix Loshon Hara.

What happens when you cut a pillow in half on a windy day? The feathers fly everywhere. And no matter how hard you try; you can never gather the feathers back up again. They blow too far away. And they blow too fast.

Loshon Hara is the same. The words travel fast. They hurt and embarrass. And there is nothing you can do about it. It is too late.

If you have to speak about another person, say something nice. Talk about the good things he does. Talk about how smart or helpful he is. And let other people know that he is a great guy.

And if you can’t think of anything nice, don’t say anything. If you want to be funny, you can be funny without making fun of your friend. He doesn’t like it. And you would hate it if he did it to you.

Don’t speak Loshon Hara. It is harder to fix than a pillow. And it makes a much bigger mess.

Finding Good Qualities Exercise

I mentioned in an earlier post that the way you love other people is by identifying their good qualities. Try this exercise, watch this clip and list all the good things you can identify in the performance.

What Would You Do?

This clip from All in the Family raises important issues about integrity, honesty, and dealing fairly with other people. Who is right, Edith or Archie? What would you do?

Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

Love your neighbor as yourself: that is a commandment. It isn’t a suggestion. It isn’t a nice idea. It isn’t a warm, fuzzy, feel-good message. The Torah is commanding you to love another person.

Isn’t that weird? How do you command love?

Love me. Go ahead. I am ordering you: Love me. Do it. Love me.

How do I make you love me? It sounds crazy.

But think about it.

Pretend you are having a big fight with your sister. She really upset you. You want to kill her.

And your mom walks in the room. You say, “Mom, I hate my sister.”

What is your mom going to say? “Of course you hate your sister. She is a real brat. I hate her too.”

Of course not.

What is your mom going to say? She is going to say:

“You can’t hate your sister. You have to love your sister.”

How can she say that? She can say it because she is commanding you to love. Is she crazy?

No.

She believes that love is command-able.

She believes it just like the Torah does: Love your neighbor as yourself.

But the Torah takes it a step further. It doesn’t just tell you to love another person. It tells you how to love another person.

The verse that says, “Love your neighbor as yourself” – also says, “Don’t take revenge and don’t bear a grudge.”

Why? What does one thing have to do with the other? What does taking revenge or bearing a grudge have to do with love?

Actually: everything.

Taking revenge and bearing a grudge are the opposite of love. Taking revenge and bearing a grudge prevent you from loving.

Why? Because when you take revenge or bear a grudge, what you are really doing is harboring resentment.

What is “harboring resentment?” That is a fancy way of saying:

Brooding. Sulking. Dwelling. Or focusing on bad, negative things.

Have you ever been really mad at someone?

What did you do? You thought about the thing the person did. You thought about it again. You mulled it over and over in your mind. And every time you thought about it you thought of another thing. You thought about what he said. You thought about how he said it. You thought about how it happened. You thought about who was watching.

And the more you thought about it, the madder you got.

And as you got mad – and thought about it more – you remembered other things he did too. And you thought through those things. And when you ran out of things you went back to the first thing. And you got angrier and angrier.

You wanted to kill him.

When you dwell or sulk or brood or harbor resentment – when you think about the bad things a person did – and when you associate that person with those things – that horrible, rotten, angry feeling you feel is the opposite of love.

It is hate.

And you can’t love someone when you are busy hating him.

But – and this is key – that is the secret of love. Love is the opposite of hate. Hate is when you think about a person’s bad qualities. Love is when you think about a person’s good qualities.

Focus on the good things a person does. Think about how he helped you, or did something for you, or gave you something, or said something nice, or whatever it was. How do you feel?

Do you feel good?

And how do you feel about the person who did those things? Warm? Fluffy? Yummy? That warm, fluffy, yummy feeling is love.

But the love didn’t just happen. It isn’t magic. It happened because you did something. You thought about the good things. You thought about his actions, his character, his qualities, and his personality. And you put the pieces together.

And it is a mitzvah to do that. It is a mitzvah to think about a person’s good qualities.

The Torah cannot command you to feel something. That is silly. But the Torah can command you to think about something. And it can command you to think about the good things other people do. And thinking about the good things automatically changes the way you feel.

Try it. It works.

Pick a person. It could be anyone. Pick a parent, a brother, a sister, a friend, or even a teacher. Think about one good thing that person did or said.

And don’t cheat. Don’t say something silly like, “He is funny.” Think about something real like:

• If he helped you with your homework
• Or if he let you cut him on line
• Or if he lent you money
• Or if he was nice to you even though you were in a grumpy, antisocial mood

How do you feel?

Great?

Of course you do. And that is the reason for this special commandment. Think about other people – don’t focus on the negative – think about the good they do. Think about how great they are.

And you will grow to love them.

And when you love other people, you are happier, you feel better, you can deal with the world, and other people want to deal with you.

That is how you love your neighbor as yourself.

The Benefit of the Doubt

It is a mitzvah is to Judge Other People Favorably.

Pretend that one day you built a huge city out of Lego. You built it in your bedroom. You built buildings, bridges, towers, and tunnels. It was massive. It was a masterpiece. It took you the entire day to build it. You fell asleep on the floor looking at it.

The next day you went to school. Bummer. You couldn’t think. You couldn’t sit still. You couldn’t think about school.

What did you think about?

Your city. You thought up ways to improve it. You thought about the highway and train station you needed to build. You thought about building a grocery store. You wanted to make space for a drive-in movie theater, too.

You were very excited.

After school you ran home. You didn’t take off your coat. You didn’t say hi to mom. You didn’t eat a cookie. You ran straight to your room. You wanted to get back to work. You opened the door.

ARRGGHH.

Your city was gone. It was destroyed, ruined, disappeared, and completely dismantled. Where did it go? All the Lego was in a huge box. What happened? Who did it?

You looked around the room.

Ah ha! Your little brother was sitting next to the box of Lego. He had a few pieces of Lego in his hands. Destroyer! Godzilla! He was the culprit.

You decided to kill him. He deserved it. He destroyed your city. The brat. Yuck. Horrible. You turned red. You turned purple. You were so mad. Fire came out of your eyes. Steam came out of your ears. White froth oozed from the side of your mouth. You were blind with rage. “You destroyed my city you terrible rotten horrible person. I am going to kill you.”

“No I didn’t,” he said.

Arrghh. “Liar!” You screamed and kicked and hollered and yelled. You got madder and madder.

And then your mom came into the room. Great. The cops. Justice. “Mom!” You pleaded. Truth was on your side. “This rotten horrible terrible scoundrel destroyed my city. Kill him.”

“No he didn’t.”

He didn’t?

“I did it,” she said. She did? “Your room was a mess. I had enough. I told you a million times to clean it up. You didn’t listen. And I came in here this morning and found Lego scattered all over the floor. I almost tripped and died walking across the room. I put all your Lego in a box and vacuumed the floor. You are lucky I didn’t throw it all away. Your room is finally clean. You should thank me.”

Now what? You should probably apologize to your brother.

Don’t jump to conclusions. When you see something, you may think the situation is obvious. But it isn’t. If you are missing information, you don’t know what happened. And when you think you know what happened, you don’t. Most assumptions are usually wrong.

And what happens? You get mad, angry, and frustrated. You get annoyed. You yell, scream, threaten, and accuse. And your anger is for nothing. It is directed at an innocent person. Not cool. And when the truth comes out, you feel bad.

And worse, you feel really stupid.

That’s why it is a mitzvah to judge people favorably. You don’t know what happened. You don’t know everything. You don’t have all the facts. So don’t assume the worst.

Assume the best.

Assume the person can explain what happened. Assume he has a reason. He usually can. And when he does, you can laugh about it. You can tell him how fishy he looked. Tell him that you thought he had a lot of explaining to do. Ha ha.

And if you don’t like his answer, you can talk about it. You will be calm and he won’t be threatened. And at least you didn’t get angry for nothing.

Try it. Judge other people favorably. You will be glad you did.

The other guy will be too.

Who's On First

Communication is important.

Onas Devarim. What's that?

Onas Devarim. That is a crazy sounding term. What does it mean?

Take a look.

One day your friend came to school in an ugly sweater. But it wasn’t just ugly. It was the ugliest sweater in the world. It was so ugly; you stopped and looked at it twice. “Wow. That is an ugly sweater,” you thought. “Yuck.” It was three types of plaid. It was furry. It was stringy. It looked like it smelled funny. It was bad.

“Nice sweater,” you said. “Did your seeing-eye dog dress you this morning?”

Ouch. That wasn’t nice.

And it gets worse. Your friend didn’t want to wear it. She hates it. Her grandmother made it. Her mother forced her to wear it. (“Make grandma happy. Wear the sweater.”) They had a big fight about it this morning.

How did you feel? Terrible? Did you want to crawl in a cave and die? I bet you did.

That is Onas Devarim. It is when you say something mean.

Words are powerful. They sting like bees. They cut like knives. And when you say something mean, uncaring, nasty, insensitive, or unthinking it hurts. It hurts a lot. Words make people cry. Words make people mad. Words make people feel bad, unloved, stupid, small, wrong, and out of place.

But words do the opposite, too.

Words make people feel good. Words make people happy. Words make people feel loved, smart, big, right, and as if they belong. You can help a person with words. And you can change the way he feels.

Do you get it?

Words are neutral. They are tools. A word is like a hammer. You can hit someone with it. Or you can fix a wall with it. How you use it is up to you. Use your words to help people. Use them to make people feel good. Use them to show how nice and special and smart you are.

And use them to make people happy.

When your friend wears an ugly sweater, make her feel good. Tell her you like it. And if you can’t think of a nice thing to say, don’t say anything.

Avoid Onas Devarim. And use your words to make people feel good.

More About Sweaters

Since we are talking about sweaters, I think it is appropriate to listen to the sweater song.